Saturday, February 28, 2009

How I Spent My Weekend

So where do I start?? Well last Thursday I went to the dentist for the first time in a few years to try and get back in a normal schedule... you know cleanings every 6 months... all that good jazz. So I went, they said I had excellent teeth, but I also had 4 small cavities... yikes! So blah blah blah, we make a treatment plan and schedule all my work for the following Friday (the 27th aka yesterday).

Now usually I LOVE Thursdays because they are my day off with Jon, however the lady I babysit for says she really needs me, she's in a jam. Me, being soft hearted, says Ok. So I spend pretty much all day at her house babysitting...

I get home Thursday night and Jon and I watch American Idol together (I LOVE Danny Gokey) and then we go to bed and watch a movie. I wake up around 3 am with the WORST stomach pains imaginable.... like there is a knife in my stomach and it's being twisted around and around... thus causing me to toss and turn for the rest of my sleep.... I get up in the morning and talk to Jon about it, his guess is it's just my nerves about the dentist... logically I think he could be right..

I try and eat some breakfast... but still feel pretty queezy...I go to the dentist and argue with the doctor about not wanting amalgam fillings... I researched them and read that they are 50% made up of mercury. Now, obviously I know they can be that unsafe, or they wouldn't be used, but still... I didn't want them. So the dentist doctor lady did all composite fillings (thank you very much I said). The weird thing is I did GREAT at the dentist. While I was all numb with Novocaine or lidocaine, whichever it is they use, I had no stomach pain or nausea any more.

But when I left and got back in the car it came back full force. You know how when you feel like that the ONLY thing that helps is to scrunch your knees as close to your belly as possible, well that's what I was trying to do while driving home (not an easy task).

I stop by Bugaboo to see Jon and tell him what's going on and he's like "babe, you look like you're going to pass out" and that confirms that this is more than just my nervousness for the dentist. He tells me he'll be home soon... I go home and try (try being the operative word) to sleep. I toss and turn... my stomach hurts so bad I have tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. There were numerous events where I felt like I would finally be sick, get out of bed, go to the bathroom, and nothing!! Until Jon called. I was talking to him when I knew for a fact, I was going to be sick... and sure enough, finally... up came breakfast.

At this point I begin to worry, because I've know rid my body of the ONLY thing that was in it... since I couldn't eat after having dental work done and now was so sick I couldn't get anything down. So sure enough, the next trip to the bathroom is not. good. at. all. I throw up pure black, stomach bile I believe. At this point my fever is up to a good solid 100 (which I know doesn't sound terrible... but I NEVER run a normal 98.6, I am usually around 97.2 or 3) So 100 for me is high....

It's about 8:30 Friday night and NO improvement... still tossing, turning, sweating, shivering, it was just awful!!! So I decide I better call work, there's not a likely chance I'm going to make it through my double tomorrow with these feelings... Now the good thing about being a workaholic and NEVER calling in sick, is that once you do, people really know you are sick and are very great about it!!! I thank god dearly for the people who helped me get my shifts covered and were so understanding.

So now... it's 3:30pm on saturday, I JUST got out of bed and am trying to eat small things to regain strength because people, there's nothing in me right now...

Just felt like blogging about my painful weekend.., I surely hope all of yours were WAY better!!! And I hope no one gets this 24 hour flu thing... cause it f***ing sucked!!!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

So much anger

I should really be getting ready to leave for class, however I felt if I didn't vent somewhere before going to class I was going to either get in a wreck driving there or get in a fight with my professor, thus the blog!

I don't get it... do you ever just wake up in the worse mood ever with no explanation, reason, or cause??? I mean it's not "that time of the month" and I originally woke up in a pretty good mood. The repair man was here at 8am to fix the dresser and I was fine. He left, I laid in bed, ate some breakfast, watched some tv, and fell asleep. That must be what went wrong. For the next hour I pushed snooze every 9 minutes and could not get up. I needed to get up though, I had school work for tonight and while I have now finished the actual written work (with help from my good friend) I haven't done the reading.

I can't explain it though, as I sit here fingers furiously typing, I feel as if my heart is going to bust through my chest and fall to the ground. I feel anxious, sick, angry, and I have no idea why. I mean, I have a small glimmer, but it shouldn't be enough to wind me up the way I am right now. One of my professors posted grades and I got an 8.7 out of 10. Maybe that doesn't sound that bad, but for me, I'm about to have a break down over it. I'm sure you're reading this thinking "wow, she's ridiculous, she needs to get a grip" but I can't. Of course, my friends and I always compare grades and I usually do better than them. You are going to think I'm a terrible person while reading this, but it's a good feeling to do better, or at least the same. I know I need to stop comparing myself and my grades to them, I really do, but in reality, life is a competition... is it not???

Anyways, they are telling me they got 9.6's and 9.9's.... I'm like WTF??? What did I do so possibly wrong... does the professor hate me? You know, the million questions... I realize while writing this, this is NOT a problem... I know there are thousands of people out there with real life problems, so don't get me wrong, just needed to vent. This is really weird for me because I have many times been the runner up and not been the best.... that's usually where I fall. I really have no problem with an 87, I mean it's not a bad grade at all.

It's just the feeling in my body right now... the rage, anger, etc. as I type I feel like my heart is in my throat my stomach is sinking into my legs... I can't figure it out... what is wrong? Will this feeling go away?? Or am I going to get to school and sit through 5 hours of class feeling tortured and a wreck like I do now???

I just want life to stop... please, take a time out, let me catch my breath. Because right now.... I'm drowning in a never-ending hole.. I'm swimming to the surface, I can see it, but I can't reach it. Is there ice over the top preventing me from breaking through, or is someone holding my head under??

To my followers, I'm sorry for the gloomy post... but I needed an out before I left my house driving like a fool or being mean to my dear friends who are nothing short of amazing... I love you all!!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

I need a 30 hour day.....

Do you ever find that 24 hours just doesn't cut it?? I mean the last thing I want to do is lengthen the day, but sometimes I have no idea what other option there is. Lets look at my last few days as an example. My usual week consists of graduate classes Monday-Wednesday, Thursday I spend doing laundry, errands, paying bills, etc. and I work Fri-Sat, which brings me really quickly back to Monday. Now that schedule isn't all that bad... I don't have class until 4:00 on all school days and on Monday I have two in a row so I get home at like 9:30 but Tuesday and Wednesday I only have class from 4-6:20, so I get home around 7ish (traffic pending). Ok, so like I said, doesn't sound that bad right?? Now I've gone and started studying for the CPA (Certified Public Accountant) exam. What is this exam you ask? It's months of tedious studying day after day, followed by a 4-5 hour exam. However, multiply it by FOUR because there are 4 parts you have to pass.

Back to the point... These past four days have been excruciating for me and I just want to bitch about it. You can feel free to press the back button now, or for some entertainment and maybe a feeling of (yeah I know just how she feels) read on folks! My school started classes on January 20th (the day after MLK day, which was a Tuesday). Now how incredibly ridiculous is this: Bentley thinks that the Monday classes that were missed on the 19th (HOW THE HELL THEY ARE CONSIDERED MISSED WHEN THE SCHOOL HASN'T OPENED YET IS BEYOND ME) could be made up on FRIDAY Feb 6th. Remember what I said a few sentences back.. I have TWO classes on Monday; one at 4:00 and the other at 6:30. Well of course my 4:00 professor is level headed and says we won't be doing a "make-up" class he's scheduled accordingly, excellent! But the professor of the 6:30 class wants to hold the make-up session; super-friggan-fantastic... I would LOVE to come to class on a FRIDAY NIGHT AT 6:30. Let me give away a Friday night at LoHO to open instead and make $47; awesome!!! So yeah, I opened (and made diddly squat), then went to class, got home at 9:30, did homework (because I have the same damn class AGAIN on Monday), worked a double on Saturday, and then worked an open double on Sunday. Please don't misconstrue my frustration, I'm not bitching about working (I need to work)... but to then have to turn around and have two classes on Monday again when CLEARLY I've had NO TIME to do the homework between Friday and Monday is a BIG PAIN IN MY ASS!

So finally, I've been up since 8:30 where I spent all day doing an assignment for the 4:00 class (it's Multi-state Jurisdiction in case you were curious), sat through that class, then the 6:30 class (which I had NO idea what was going on, because I didn't get to do the reading) and now it's 10:30pm and I'm home!! Exhausted, yes. Frustrated, yes. Emotional, yes. Ready to do more homework, HELL NO! Unfortunately the work needs to be done and I NEED A FEW EXTRA HOURS PEOPLE!!! I mean.. it's Monday night.. the best television night of the week!! Oh well... life goes on!!! And I love life, so don't get me wrong there. One day the blood, sweat, and tears (and oh tears there are) will all be worth it!!!