So much anger

I should really be getting ready to leave for class, however I felt if I didn't vent somewhere before going to class I was going to either get in a wreck driving there or get in a fight with my professor, thus the blog!

I don't get it... do you ever just wake up in the worse mood ever with no explanation, reason, or cause??? I mean it's not "that time of the month" and I originally woke up in a pretty good mood. The repair man was here at 8am to fix the dresser and I was fine. He left, I laid in bed, ate some breakfast, watched some tv, and fell asleep. That must be what went wrong. For the next hour I pushed snooze every 9 minutes and could not get up. I needed to get up though, I had school work for tonight and while I have now finished the actual written work (with help from my good friend) I haven't done the reading.

I can't explain it though, as I sit here fingers furiously typing, I feel as if my heart is going to bust through my chest and fall to the ground. I feel anxious, sick, angry, and I have no idea why. I mean, I have a small glimmer, but it shouldn't be enough to wind me up the way I am right now. One of my professors posted grades and I got an 8.7 out of 10. Maybe that doesn't sound that bad, but for me, I'm about to have a break down over it. I'm sure you're reading this thinking "wow, she's ridiculous, she needs to get a grip" but I can't. Of course, my friends and I always compare grades and I usually do better than them. You are going to think I'm a terrible person while reading this, but it's a good feeling to do better, or at least the same. I know I need to stop comparing myself and my grades to them, I really do, but in reality, life is a competition... is it not???

Anyways, they are telling me they got 9.6's and 9.9's.... I'm like WTF??? What did I do so possibly wrong... does the professor hate me? You know, the million questions... I realize while writing this, this is NOT a problem... I know there are thousands of people out there with real life problems, so don't get me wrong, just needed to vent. This is really weird for me because I have many times been the runner up and not been the best.... that's usually where I fall. I really have no problem with an 87, I mean it's not a bad grade at all.

It's just the feeling in my body right now... the rage, anger, etc. as I type I feel like my heart is in my throat my stomach is sinking into my legs... I can't figure it out... what is wrong? Will this feeling go away?? Or am I going to get to school and sit through 5 hours of class feeling tortured and a wreck like I do now???

I just want life to stop... please, take a time out, let me catch my breath. Because right now.... I'm drowning in a never-ending hole.. I'm swimming to the surface, I can see it, but I can't reach it. Is there ice over the top preventing me from breaking through, or is someone holding my head under??

To my followers, I'm sorry for the gloomy post... but I needed an out before I left my house driving like a fool or being mean to my dear friends who are nothing short of amazing... I love you all!!!