Thankful for...

November... quite possibly one of my favorite months of the year. Why? A few reasons..
The leaves are breathtakingly beautiful, it's a month of giving thanks, and well, maybe because it's my birthday. Today however, I am truly grateful. It being Veteran's Day, I am thankful for the men and women that selflessly put their lives in jeopardy to protect mine, yours, our loved ones, our friends, you get it right? I mean do you TRULY get it?? What they do is heroism at it's finest, highest quality. For that, I am truly grateful. Thank.You. I want to specifically thank my Step Father Danny and give thanks to both of my grandfathers who are no longer with me (love you guys).

I am thankful for the life that I was given. I am happy, healthy, I have a great job, a terrific education, a boyfriend that knows nothing but kindness, a mother who is easily that strongest most amazing person I have ever met, a father who loves me dearly, and an endless support structure of friends and family. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, the bills always get paid, and if my man and I want to go out to dinner, we can. If that sounds like a normal, everyday life for you, remember this... it's not for others. There are folks out there who are a lot less fortunate. They worry day-to-day about where that next meal is coming from. They don't even have the luxury of worrying about the bills, because they aren't fortunate enough to have any. Sounds messed up right? They aren't fortunate enough to have bills. Well it's true. Having bills means you have material. Whether it's a car, house, electricity to light your house, oil/gas to heat your house... face it people, that's lucky. I think people (myself certainly included) take these things for granted.

When you think life isn't fair or you are angry because things aren't going your way, remember.. there are some who have is so much worse. Be proud of who you are, where you are in life, the abilities God has blessed you with, the achievements you have made, and "oh, the places you will go"

..... today I am thankful to be alive!

Just an update

I felt it was necessary to at least say something on my blog as I selfishly sign in almost every day to see what everyone else has going on in their lives.

As most of you know I've started a new job recently. It has engulfed much of my life. I absolutely love it, however the adjustment has been difficult. While I am giving my every morsel at being great at my new job, I am also studying to take the second of four parts of the CPA exam. I will be sitting for financial on August 31st and thus far am wayyyy behind in my studying schedule. Hopefully I can pull it together, but I am through beating myself up over it. I will do the best I can and if that's not good enough this time, I will do even better next time.

For now my friends I must go. I need to study a few solid hours before I hit the hey because the alarm sounds at 4:30 am and then begins a very, very, long day.

A bit of a sad day

So I've been off the blog for a while now. It's not like I haven't had things to write about, completely the reverse in fact. Instead, I have no time to blog! In the past month:
* Jon's grandfather passed away
* Jon's step-dad was diagnosed with stage four angiosarcoma (a very rare and aggressive cancer)
* I've graduated from school with my masters degree

Exciting right? Yeah, not really! At one point we had drove up and back to Maine 3 times in a 2 week period (one trip was up and back in the same day)

Currently I sit in the Dana Farber Cancer Institute with Jon's step-dad for his very first day of chemo-therapy. Just me and him. It's such an awful thing to know that EVERYONE around you is sick with cancer. In a regular hospital it's not nearly as bad; some people are having babies, some just a check up, maybe a broken bone, etc. but here, it's all bad. Every room is contained with a patient receiving some harsh form of chemo-therapy in an effort to fight for the right to live life... I'm telling you, it's SAD! Please to all my fellow bloggers (the 3 of you) don't take life for granted, don't sweat the small stuff, and love every day as much as you can because things change so rapidly and out of the blue!

In the midst of all the unfortunate setbacks we are going through right now, I am trying to study for the Certified Public Accountant's (CPA), which let me tell you is not the most fun! My first exam is the auditing piece and I will be taking it next Friday, YIKES! It's been the busiest month of my life I think; tonight my father and his girlfriend will be arriving from Maine to stay tomorrow and leave late Monday night. Then Monday-Friday am will be some insane amounts of studying for me! Ok, for now I'm signing off!

Huge American Idol Fan

First of all, for those people who like to make fun of me for being addicted, obsessed, whatever you choose to call it, with AI, that's fine with me. I am. I am proud of it. I must tell you that I LOVE Danny Gokey soooo freaking much that it could be illegal. I look forward to Tuesday nights because I can't wait to see his performance. Besides his amazing vocal talent, what I love about him is his passion and ability to be emotional on stage and let his fans into his world of pain and grief for his wife.

Those of you who are true Danny fans like myself realize that basically every week he picks a song, it is in honor/dedication to his wife. Very briefly, those of you who don't follow AI and don't know Danny's history; he lost his wife about four weeks before he auditioned for AI. She died during a surgery to try and correct a form of congenital heart disease that she suffered with. The doctor told them the there was only a 10% chance of death during the surgery. It's so extremely sad and heart breaking and every week I see Danny step onto that stage, I can feel his passion and bereavement.

Because I love his story SOOO much, I've found it and included it in this post so you have to look no further. I only hope you enjoy it as much as I do!


It was last week though that his voice and his performance sent chills down every spot on my body and warmed my heart in a way that I didn't know a song could do. My eyes teared up and I felt what he felt. His rendition of Rascal Flat's "What Hurst the Most" was absolutely out of this world. If you haven't heard it, you can download it on I-Tunes, however I recommend you find his original performance so you can see it for yourself (plus he adds a line specifically for his wife in that performance). I've embedded his performance of the song here for your viewing pleasure. Be sure to note that it sounds far away because it's an upload from youtube... his studio version is much better (however doesn't include the "come back to me" line, which absolutely melted my heart).


While writing this I decided to Google some pictures to find one of Danny and his wife, Sophia, and learned a lot more about them. After Sophia's death, Danny used her life insurance proceeds to start an organization called "Sophia's Heart Foundation" which you can check out for yourself at www.sophiasheart.org. She always wanted a big family, however her unfortunate heart disease prevented them from having one. The foundation helps sick children, families in poverty, families with losses of loved ones, etc. You should definitely check out the website.

Can't wait for tomorrow night! Go Danny!! You're an inspiration to everyone out there with pain, troubles, and disappointment in their lives.

What's on your DVR?

I think I have briefly mentioned this topic before, however I was moved tonight and wanted to write elaborate. I know many people have DVR/TiVO, one of the new wonderful devices that allow us to record and watch our favorite shows. You know, the ones that you just can't live without, I sure know I have a handful. My all time favorite OTH, American Idol, others that I enjoy such as Gossip Girl, Grey's (that's more of a "I can't live without categeoty, haha"), Dancing with the Stars, and a new one to my DVR this year; Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. If you have never watched this show, then I don't know what is wrong with you!! This show is a reality check for me, sad but true.

This season has been remarkable as they have directed the season towards heroes. Each week they honor a family who either struggle with a daily disability, has overcome tremendous loss, or donates so much of their own time and money that their own home is almost unlivable. Tonight's episode falls in that last category. A family who runs an animal rescue center (that doesn't even really explain it) in their backyard. The Almquist family, a family of 6; mom, dad and the four children, give their hearts, income, and time to saving animals that have been raised in captivity and then abandoned, neglected, etc. They call their organization Forever Wild and I have included a link to their website so you can see for yourself how wonderful these people are.

It is unbelievable how cruel human beings can be to animals and how careless the end result is. Most the animals that the family takes in are cats (tigers, bengals, etc.) who people have thought would be great pets, get them as kittens, love them for a little while and then when they become too big, dump them. What people don't realize is if you've raised a cat (or any animal in that matter) in captivity, they can NEVER be successfully put back into the wild with a chance of survival. They lack the skills necessary to fend for their owns because that's been taken away from them. One of the commonalities that this family faces with the animals is that people have "declawed" them, or cut their toes off essentially. Take a look at your finger, and then imagine cutting it off at your first knuckle; that is what is done to these poor animals. It causes them extreme pain, infection, and discomfort. Some of the animals are in such pain that they walk on their elbows, because their paws are too broken. The family with the help of donations (which in this trying economic time have severely slowed) pay for the animals to have re constructive surgery so that they can have a second chance at pain free and running around as they should. At the point the show was filmed, they had one tiger who badly needed the surgery, however their were no funds available to provide it. That tiger is pictured here, Diablo; a beautiful Siberian X Bengal.Of course, the show surprised the family by paying for Diablo's surgery and having it done while the family was on vacation.

This family goes through over 300 lbs of meat a day just to feed the animals. Their own home had holes in the floor, cracked foundation, and rats in the kitchen. As you watch ABC, extreme home makeover, the coalition of builders, volunteers, etc. work for seven days straight to make someone else's life better it is the most amazing thing. It reminds me that being a good person is so important and that whenever you are given the chance to help someone or give back just even a little, you should do it.

My point of this blog tonight was to encourage you to add one more show to your DVR schedule. It's on ABC on Sunday nights at 8:00. While the reality tv shows are fantastic, and the dramas allows us to escape life for a while, extreme makeover does just the opposite. It throws life at you full speed. It reminds you that their are people out their living in unimaginable circumstances, with life threatening diseases, people who give their hearts and souls to others and ask for nothing in return... as corny as you all may think I am, this show touches my heart and leaves a trail of tears down my face every evening I watch it. It allows me to realize when I am making a big deal about things that don't matter and forces me to try and be a better person. Maybe you'll find a connection with the show too!

How I Spent My Weekend

So where do I start?? Well last Thursday I went to the dentist for the first time in a few years to try and get back in a normal schedule... you know cleanings every 6 months... all that good jazz. So I went, they said I had excellent teeth, but I also had 4 small cavities... yikes! So blah blah blah, we make a treatment plan and schedule all my work for the following Friday (the 27th aka yesterday).

Now usually I LOVE Thursdays because they are my day off with Jon, however the lady I babysit for says she really needs me, she's in a jam. Me, being soft hearted, says Ok. So I spend pretty much all day at her house babysitting...

I get home Thursday night and Jon and I watch American Idol together (I LOVE Danny Gokey) and then we go to bed and watch a movie. I wake up around 3 am with the WORST stomach pains imaginable.... like there is a knife in my stomach and it's being twisted around and around... thus causing me to toss and turn for the rest of my sleep.... I get up in the morning and talk to Jon about it, his guess is it's just my nerves about the dentist... logically I think he could be right..

I try and eat some breakfast... but still feel pretty queezy...I go to the dentist and argue with the doctor about not wanting amalgam fillings... I researched them and read that they are 50% made up of mercury. Now, obviously I know they can be that unsafe, or they wouldn't be used, but still... I didn't want them. So the dentist doctor lady did all composite fillings (thank you very much I said). The weird thing is I did GREAT at the dentist. While I was all numb with Novocaine or lidocaine, whichever it is they use, I had no stomach pain or nausea any more.

But when I left and got back in the car it came back full force. You know how when you feel like that the ONLY thing that helps is to scrunch your knees as close to your belly as possible, well that's what I was trying to do while driving home (not an easy task).

I stop by Bugaboo to see Jon and tell him what's going on and he's like "babe, you look like you're going to pass out" and that confirms that this is more than just my nervousness for the dentist. He tells me he'll be home soon... I go home and try (try being the operative word) to sleep. I toss and turn... my stomach hurts so bad I have tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. There were numerous events where I felt like I would finally be sick, get out of bed, go to the bathroom, and nothing!! Until Jon called. I was talking to him when I knew for a fact, I was going to be sick... and sure enough, finally... up came breakfast.

At this point I begin to worry, because I've know rid my body of the ONLY thing that was in it... since I couldn't eat after having dental work done and now was so sick I couldn't get anything down. So sure enough, the next trip to the bathroom is not. good. at. all. I throw up pure black, stomach bile I believe. At this point my fever is up to a good solid 100 (which I know doesn't sound terrible... but I NEVER run a normal 98.6, I am usually around 97.2 or 3) So 100 for me is high....

It's about 8:30 Friday night and NO improvement... still tossing, turning, sweating, shivering, it was just awful!!! So I decide I better call work, there's not a likely chance I'm going to make it through my double tomorrow with these feelings... Now the good thing about being a workaholic and NEVER calling in sick, is that once you do, people really know you are sick and are very great about it!!! I thank god dearly for the people who helped me get my shifts covered and were so understanding.

So now... it's 3:30pm on saturday, I JUST got out of bed and am trying to eat small things to regain strength because people, there's nothing in me right now...

Just felt like blogging about my painful weekend.., I surely hope all of yours were WAY better!!! And I hope no one gets this 24 hour flu thing... cause it f***ing sucked!!!!

So much anger

I should really be getting ready to leave for class, however I felt if I didn't vent somewhere before going to class I was going to either get in a wreck driving there or get in a fight with my professor, thus the blog!

I don't get it... do you ever just wake up in the worse mood ever with no explanation, reason, or cause??? I mean it's not "that time of the month" and I originally woke up in a pretty good mood. The repair man was here at 8am to fix the dresser and I was fine. He left, I laid in bed, ate some breakfast, watched some tv, and fell asleep. That must be what went wrong. For the next hour I pushed snooze every 9 minutes and could not get up. I needed to get up though, I had school work for tonight and while I have now finished the actual written work (with help from my good friend) I haven't done the reading.

I can't explain it though, as I sit here fingers furiously typing, I feel as if my heart is going to bust through my chest and fall to the ground. I feel anxious, sick, angry, and I have no idea why. I mean, I have a small glimmer, but it shouldn't be enough to wind me up the way I am right now. One of my professors posted grades and I got an 8.7 out of 10. Maybe that doesn't sound that bad, but for me, I'm about to have a break down over it. I'm sure you're reading this thinking "wow, she's ridiculous, she needs to get a grip" but I can't. Of course, my friends and I always compare grades and I usually do better than them. You are going to think I'm a terrible person while reading this, but it's a good feeling to do better, or at least the same. I know I need to stop comparing myself and my grades to them, I really do, but in reality, life is a competition... is it not???

Anyways, they are telling me they got 9.6's and 9.9's.... I'm like WTF??? What did I do so possibly wrong... does the professor hate me? You know, the million questions... I realize while writing this, this is NOT a problem... I know there are thousands of people out there with real life problems, so don't get me wrong, just needed to vent. This is really weird for me because I have many times been the runner up and not been the best.... that's usually where I fall. I really have no problem with an 87, I mean it's not a bad grade at all.

It's just the feeling in my body right now... the rage, anger, etc. as I type I feel like my heart is in my throat my stomach is sinking into my legs... I can't figure it out... what is wrong? Will this feeling go away?? Or am I going to get to school and sit through 5 hours of class feeling tortured and a wreck like I do now???

I just want life to stop... please, take a time out, let me catch my breath. Because right now.... I'm drowning in a never-ending hole.. I'm swimming to the surface, I can see it, but I can't reach it. Is there ice over the top preventing me from breaking through, or is someone holding my head under??

To my followers, I'm sorry for the gloomy post... but I needed an out before I left my house driving like a fool or being mean to my dear friends who are nothing short of amazing... I love you all!!!